So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
