I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The adults are the big ones right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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