My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
