i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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