He kissed a someone with a penis
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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