Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
