Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
PANTIES FOUND
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
