i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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