Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
