She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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