And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
