and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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