i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
