you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
