I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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