He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
