Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize