when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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