I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
