We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
