Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't deserve a penis
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
