Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
