The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
