your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
