sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
