doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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