Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
