What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
