Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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