I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
