Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
