just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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