I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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