i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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