I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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