"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
