why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
