Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
