There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Randomize
