thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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