The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
