Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize