Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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