just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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