He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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