So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the day after is always just damage control
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize