shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
