ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
