Apparently you make a good broom.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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