nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
