Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
