I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
