Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
