so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize