ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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