You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize