you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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