do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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