Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
