So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
