Soap is not a condiment
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
sarcasm needs its own font
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
