I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
