god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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