I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
