I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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